Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wish there were birth control emojis
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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