my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize