this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
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I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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