Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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