But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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