That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have so much sex to catch up on
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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