I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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