I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize