I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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