I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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