I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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