dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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