Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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