Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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