My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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