So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
bring money and cleavage
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are my feet made of real feet?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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