Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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