He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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