my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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