ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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