I puked a lego.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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