no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Small penises have feelings too.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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