is your mom at the bar?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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