I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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