he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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