so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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