I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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