To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize