38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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