Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize