3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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