you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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