It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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