I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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