i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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