So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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