One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize