I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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