I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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