The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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