please come you make the beer taste better
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize