Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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