I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize