apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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