I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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