i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize