Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize