Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize