turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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