I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize